Right… “I just can’t get it right,” I declared a little too loudly. It slipped out from my subconscious and gave away my inner struggle. I wanted to feel and think rightly about the transition we were about to make. Instead I was anxious and unsettled. I could not make myself think and act “right”. Right is a trap I can fall into when I am not fully abiding in God’s deep love. He wants holiness, not rightness. Righteousness, not rightness. Sometimes I just want to be right, and do right.
The difference is my heart. The difference is my focus. Righteousness and holiness are outpouring of being with God. It is allowing Him to weave and work through all my emotions and frustrations. Whereas rightness is me trying to get it right on my own. Me trying to be right does not allow room for the emotions that are real. It doesn’t allow me to go through the moment. It is me trying to force the end result. Yes God wants me to have joy and allow it to be my strength, but he wants to walk with me through my anxiousness and grief.
When I am trying to just be right in all my being, I am trying to force something that is meant to be a process and journey with God. He cares for me. He is not afraid for me to get it wrong. He wants my heart to stop striving to be right and know He is God. He has me and promises not to let me go. He promises to lead me. Leading takes following and time. Small steps of obedience over giant leaps of being and doing right.